For May 5th:

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.” Psalm 30:11

As many of you know, last year I gave birth to a beautiful, sandy-haired little boy who lived only 5 hours outside the womb.  Today is Justice's birthday.

             As I experience many emotions on this day, I can't help but be honored that the Lord chose me to carry this precious baby for 9 months.  Mixed with the sadness is a deep, inexplicable joy.  This joy comes from the riches of God's presence.  We learn in James 1 that there is a joy found only through persevering in trials.  And although this year has been full of many trials and tears, God's grace and presence abounded to us.

             Today, my heart is stirred with a resounding anthem that I just have to declare...  

THERE IS HOPE.

             I ask you to never forget Justice... not for my sake; not for Justice's sake.  But, I ask you to remember for your own sake.    If God can turn my "mourning into dancing" (Psalm 30:11), he can... and will... do the same for you.

             When you see me, don't ever forget that I once held my little boy as he passed from this life.  Don't forget that I carried a child in my womb despite the doctors' "death sentence."  Don't forget that I buried a tiny little body that was once closer to me physically than any other human.  Don't forget that I once felt his kicks, his hiccups, and his rollings deep in the night.  And by God's grace, I have not only survived, but thrived!  To God be the glory!  My joy is restored - my hope is healed - and my heart is alive!  God's joy is a river that runs deep and nothing can stop it!

             Matthew 5:4 says, "Blessed are those who mourn..."  We all mourn and grieve whether over lost life, lost love, lost dreams, lost trust, etc.  But the truth is that there is a BLESSING in the mourning.  If this wasn't the case, Jesus wouldn't have spoken it.  And I have discovered what this blessing is. 

             The blessing is Psalm 34:18 - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit."  The nearness of the Lord is the blessing!!  What better comfort could God give than his presence in our time of deepest pain?  This is the only way to "not only survive, but thrive."

             However we only experience this blessing when we allow ourselves to be broken before a loving, compassionate God.  If you have yet to take your brokenness to the Lord, I urge you to do it today.  True healing comes when we humble ourselves before him.  Trust me... I know. 

             So whether you are in the process of grief or fighting a battle that seems too strong for you, remember...

THERE IS HOPE.

You will survive.  You are strong enough.  And God is stronger.

Kylie A. Machacek